Praying hard.

Jerry has yet to find work. We are not sure what to do. He has looked for jobs in other states, he has got paper work ready to apply for driving school and go over the road and we have an appointment with a recruiter this Tuesday. I'm trying to stay strong, but the bank accounts are empty. I've called and put all possible payments on hold, including our home but only for 30 days. We've had a very tough 2 years and this is by far the worst it has been. I just, I don't see the light. I don't know what else to do but pray. I know that this is so hard for us but in the end I know that it will be Kaleb and Bella who suffer. I don't care if I don't eat for a month if they can have food and diapers but that's just it, I don't know that they will have that.
I am sitting here watching MY SISTER'S KEEPER. I really do love this movie. It's beautiful. This movie makes me count my blessings. My babies are healthy and that is wonderful. I hope and pray I never have to wonder if my child will die tomorrow. I thank God for their health. They are full of life and energy. They laugh and giggle and they have NO idea what is going on. That, I am happy for.
I don't know if I want the appointment with the recruiter to go well or not. That idea scares the hell out of me. I know if Jerry joined the military, we would be taken care of, for life.... yet I am scared to be without him. A few days at a time, I probably need, but I don't know if I am mentally ready for a deployment.
I think I would really love to go back to high school. Life was so much more simple then. Being an adult and making hard decisions suck. Really and truly, the military decision isn't hard. 2 years ago, he sould have signed up when we went back then to talk to a recruiter. It was just me and him, now there is Kaleb and Bella. I just don't know how I will take it, knowing they maybe missing out on family life here at our home.
I don't know.... I am praying, hard. Maybe I can update soon with some good news. I'll leave you with a pic of Kaleb that I took yesterday and it makes me LOL so hard.

That's some mean eatin'!